Pain is Weird

November Blog for Fleet Feet. 

Thank you so much for your support at the Inner Harbor 5K Run! It was great to see so many friends and make some new ones. If you weren’t able to make it my books are available at our local bookstore. You can now purchase a copy at Books End BookShop in Syracuse, NY. When you stop in, say hi to the owner Patrick. He will be happy to show you around. It’s truly a gem on James Street and right across from The Palace Theatre.

This is a small piece from my next book— 

A Real Ballbuster: Our Tangles with Testicular Cancer. 

Below is the continuation of the story from last month. 

When I left Brindsley’s room my limp was not as severe. I felt some peace and comfort knowing that my ankle wasn’t injured. I will keep moving it and pay attention to what I say to myself. I will get a good night’s sleep. I set my alarm to get up for a run. I’ll just see what I can do in the morning. I knew movement was beneficial and if I could put weight on my ankle without limping then I would run.

When I woke up the next morning I forgot for a moment about my ankle until the ache reminded me. I was surprised I could walk to the bathroom without a limp. I was able to push off without wincing. It was sore but I could place all my weight on my foot without a problem. I was safe. This gave me the green light that I could run. It’s improving already!

Even though the front of my ankle was very sore and my range of motion was not restored I knew a run would help. Running makes me happy and my way to process life’s challenges and troubles. Running is rehab.

I got dressed and headed out the door, thrilled to see the stars glittered overhead. The moon reflected a path for me on the road. I was not alone. This will benefit my body and mind.

Pain Is Weird 

Pain can come 

out of nowhere

No fall

No injury 

I’m not even sick 

Yet my left ankle throbs

And the output is a limp 

What was the input?

What turned up the alarm 

I didn’t turn funny  

I didn’t trip 

My nutrition is spot on 

Is it my mind playing tricks? 

Quick— 

get me an ice pack 

And some wine (not really I don’t like wine) 

I’ll lie down 

Retrace my day 

Why does my ankle have so much to say? 

Is it really about this afternoon?

What the doctor said…

“This is concerning, a biopsy will be sent”   

My entire body felt cold

I froze—could cancer be taking hold? 

I grabbed my husband's hand

pale and weak

He sat in the bed, 

As I kissed his cheek 

My mind raced with all

sorts of terrible thoughts

Could that be the reason

my left ankle feels like

it’s in knots? 

I’ll take some deep breaths

This doesn’t mean death 

My brain has it wrong

My ankle is robust 

and strong 

I will not freak out

I know what this pain is about  

I will move my ankle as 

I read to my son 

I will get a good night’s sleep 

An optimistic attitude— 

I will keep 

Though my nerves are on high alert

I have ways to turn the volume down

What I say and believe 

about my ankle 

is more important now—

This discomfort is temporary 

I’m physically great

My nervous system is 

looking out for me 

I’ll consider to appreciate. 

Pain is so weird 

So strange at times 

I woke up the next day

Sore but fine—a run will

do me some good to 

clear my mind.

Movement I love to

decrease the protection  

and give my body evidence 

that we are moving 

in the right direction.

 —Thank you brain but I got this 

Take good care,

Julie

Connect with me— Run to Write (Subscribe to Run to Write— Transforming runs to words, one poem at a time for your FREE PDF copy of Running Into Poetry.)

Author of: Staring Down a Dream: A Mom, a Marathoner, a Mission/ My Road: A Runner’s Journey Through Persistent Pain to Healing 

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